Around 1,000 Christians gathered in Westminster last week to celebrate marriage and reaffirm their support for couples considering a lifelong commitment to one another.
Talk Marriage marked the start of Marriage Week and was organised jointly by the Evangelical Alliance and Bruderhof, a community of Christians with family at its heart.
Street Pastors founder Les Isaac spoke of the damage that separation and divorce can have on children, as he told of the young men he had met in prison who were “angry” because they did not have a father.
Isaac, who experienced the separation of his own parents at the age of seven, said marriage had the power to transform society.
“Marriage does matter to God,” he said.
“It is not just about a piece of paper. The piece of paper gives it legal legitimacy but marriage is deeper than that. Marriage is a transformative act. It transforms people. It changes the way people look at each other and treat each other, and it changes their role in society.”
In a world that increasingly views sex as a natural part of being a couple whether married or not, Isaac said God was able to give people the courage and the strength to love someone and wait until after marriage before having sex.
Contrary to the popular belief that marriage is a romance killer, he said that he had grown closer to his wife through marriage.
“When you enter into what you know God is entering you into, it builds you up and gives you hope. ‘It’s ok because my husband is with me, we’re going to walk together.’ It provides commitment to build a life and a family together. It is a place of secure intimacy, of friendship, and it allows it to grow. I love my wife more and stronger, better, deeper today than I did 30 years ago.”
Edmund Adamas, Marriage and Family Life Coordinator of the Catholic Diocese of Westminster, called for a renewed understanding of the family as a place where the “education and formation” of children happens – particularly preparation for future marriage.
“Parents are called to prepare their sons and daughters, if that is what God calls them to, for future marriages. In the Catholic Church, we talk about marriage preparation across the lifecycle – from conception, through infancy to adolescence. All those experiences - good and bad - that we imbibe as a child are preparing us for future marriage. We all have a role to play in a person’s development so that they can enter into a commitment of marriage with confidence.”
With so many relationships breaking down today, Mr Adamus pointed to prayer and worship as a way to strengthen families.
“We’ve all heard the phrase: ‘The family that prays together stays together.’ It might be a cliché in some people’s eyes but it’s true. The more familiar a family is with sacred words and uttering prayers together the more likely their confidence in each other will grow and blossom, especially the confidence of children towards their parents.”
Isaac echoed this sentiment, saying that children were looking to their parents to be models of marriage to which they could aspire.
Fellow panellist and family researcher Harry Benson said there was a need to encourage married couples on the brink of breaking up to consider mediation and counselling before going down the divorce route.
“Is it too easy to divorce? I don’t know, I don’t suppose people who divorce think it’s too easy. The issue for me is much more about the trend away from marriage. It’s too easy not to marry. And my big message to young ladies out there is: say ‘no’ to guys, to moving in together, to sleeping together, until guys have said ‘yes’.”
Ann Clifford, wife of Evangelical Alliance general director Steve Clifford, said the church had a role to play in making sure couples had access to good pre-marriage and post-wedding support.
“One of the ways the church can help good marriage is to model good marriage,” she said.
Similarly, Bruderhof senior pastor John Fransham said it was necessary to guide young people in how to form a relationship in a way that refrains from physical contact and instead allows them to get to know the “heart and soul of the other person first".
“Sex is one of the most pervasive idols of our time,” he said. “Sexual attraction is natural but a marriage will not last if it is based on this alone.”
Rather than sex or physical attraction, Mr Fransham encouraged young people to make God the foundation for their relationship. He said it was helpful for anyone thinking about entering into a relationship to pray about it and consider the words of Jesus in Matthew 6, which tells believers that if they seek God’s kingdom first, He will add the rest. If God has brought you together He will help you to overcome anything that threatens your unity. There is one decisive question that every couple should consider while they are getting to know each other and before they are engaged: do you feel that your relationship is leading you closer to God? If they can answer yes, I am convinced their marriage will be on the right foundation. If they let God lead their relationships they will remain faithful to one another."
He continued: "They know that divorce is not an option because God has brought them
together. Their marriage is now part of God’s creation and can be used for his kingdom.”
Mr Fransham said it was inevitable that marriages would go through hard times and that it was natural to have weaknesses or make mistakes, but the difference was knowing the power of forgiveness and allowing forgiveness to become part of daily life.
“There is great power in the simple words ‘I’m sorry’ and you will be amazed how mountains can be removed and dissolved in those words. In my own experience it helps when the husband is the first to say it.”